Sharon Brumley Master of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling Coun6726 –
Sharon Brumley
Master of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling
Coun6726 – Couples and Family Counseling
Dr. Jaquelin DodgeEvans
March 31, 2024
The attached generational genogram demonstrates the intricate relationships within my family structure over three generations. Several prominent parameters and patterns stand out while scrutinizing the relationship dynamics, personal interactions, communication styles, and mental and physical health issues.
My grandparents were Lura and James Edward Patterson, who were married and had two daughters, Fonee and Mary Edna. Both daughters married, Fonee, my mother, married Edwin Jack (EJ) Brumley, having two daughters, Sharon, and Norma Brumley. Sharon is single with no children, Norma is married to David Kaderka and has two children, Justin David, and Kendra Erin. Justin is married to Tiffany with two children, Amelia, and Travis. Kendra is married to Byron Smith, and they just had their first child, Evelyn Rosalie, who is almost 1 week old. are not close nor communicate with these family members. Unfortunately, I do not communicate with anyone in my father’s family as they are all deceased, however, even when we were growing up as children there was little communication or gatherings that occurred.
My sister and I have always had a challenging relationship. My sister has a very Type “A” personality, a definite overachiever, argumentative, and not pliable in challenges, conversations, or life. All relationships whether it is her marital relationship, our family relationship, or the relationship she holds with her children are difficult and have only one correct way…. hers. My sister’s husband, David Kaderka, is a strong enabler, and feeds into her need for power by never voicing a concern or discussing an issue until it is too late, and even then, my sister will “win”. I strongly believe that my sister’s dominating role in her family and the world is due to her self-image of herself as a child…she felt she was overlooked and ignored. I do agree the household was very dysfunctional and I do feel my mother and father had other priorities in life over the happiness and success of their children, however, my sister has not, nor will she seek counseling to understand her feelings and perhaps overcome her doubts about herself.
Regarding my mother’s family (Fonee), it would appear there is a tight family system that seems to exist at least for a short period. Fonee and Jack, my mother and father were the main caretakers of my grandmother when her health began to fail, I lost my bedroom and was displaced to the family living area due to lack of room and my sister not wanting to share a room with me. I was angry, hurt, and felt unloved with no communication provided to me other than that was the way it would be. My grandmother passed away several years later from a fatal heart attack. A continued lack of communication persisted in my home. As I grew older, the silence, lack of understanding, and unhappiness grew louder and stronger.
My father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 1976 and though the cancer was advanced, my father chose to proceed with chemotherapy and radiation, which was very hard on him, my mother, and all of us in the family watching such a strong and seemingly fit man go from 200lbs. to 65lbs. in 18 months. My father died in August of 1978.
My father was a career military and conducted the home in the same fashion. Very little communication with the children other than discipline. My mother was the main provider of love, care, and affection, along with guidance. My sister and I never understood why. I still do not understand why we never knew anyone from my father’s side of the family. We did meet our paternal grandparents a few times, however, on a very limited basis. Their names were Carrie and Burt Brumley. My father had four brothers and one sister; however, we never knew any of them well. I met them very briefly once or twice – which as I grew older, I truly missed not knowing more about both sides of my family – meaning my mother’s and father’s family history.
My mother, Fonee, seemed to harbor a lot of anger and hostility towards my father’s family – I did not know why, and unfortunately, will never know now. Emotions ran very high in my family along with a high degree of codependency, especially with my mother and me. I seemed to be a “surrogate” partner for my mother as my father was lacking in emotional availability for her. I feel certain there was another side to this story from my father, however, again, the loss of this story is gone forever. I feel unfinished business is certainly the toughest to overcome and certainly not the responsibility of children and young adults. However, the repercussions are long-lasting.
The communication patterns between the grandparents and the two family branches on the maternal side of the family appear to have a kind of structured, stifled, and domineering communication pattern. There was communication, however, structured and limited to various times – certainly not something that would be easy or comfortable. There was no time set aside for open communication for honest dialogue to provide answers of why there was such an uncomfortable and strict unavailability to honest and open conversations along with such a structured and accepted environment. My mother’s passing in 2008 after a tragic auto accident remains an unresolved traumatic and devastating loss for our family. Even after sixteen years, her death remains fresh, and, regretfully, feel I lived my 58 years of life for her only, as I was unable to establish boundaries to prevent her suffocation. I take full responsibility for my inability and want to correct it through mental health counseling.
Through this project, I have discovered common patterns in my family, both cyclical and unresolved and all painful. Unresolved impacting narratives and actions that I have been aware of, however, now are more apparent. The uneven and unsettling lack of boundaries and communication patterns between the two major family branches could be portrayed as a way in which my family dealt with the overpowering lack of productive communication, perhaps due to a lack of a patriarchal figure providing stability, a caring structure, and solid communication to a family member who was embracing a breakaway and/or severance with the family as a defense and others, such as me, who over-compensated poor coping mechanisms with addictions.
The genogram forms the foundation of my family counseling work and serves as a starting point for all clients to discover their multigenerational family patterns roles, responsibilities, and experiences with trauma through a non-judgmental and empathic lens. I can delicately tap into various subject matters, including parental losses, the motives for the emotional and physical cutoffs between the branches, the family’s designated patient or narrator, or how the system either did or didn’t process the crucial events together. The nuances and contexts are vital since the presenting issue can reflect the long-standing dynamic vulnerabilities of the client stemming from their family’s unique history.
The process of creating and reviewing a genogram has shown me the vast impact that family systems, as well as long-term influences, have on our lives and being. Becoming a professional counselor in the future will give me a better opportunity to identify how family dynamics, boundaries, traumas, effective communication, and relationship patterns can impact the core problems that my clients present. I can use the self-reflective aspect of a genogram to avoid any unintentional introduction of strategies or misconceptions that contradict the client’s family values or cultural norms regarding boundaries.